The Legacy Myth That's Destroying Successful Lawyers: What I Learned From a Funeral Director

A highly successful partner once asked me a question that stopped me cold: "Gary, I've achieved everything I thought I wanted. So why do I feel so empty?"

That conversation haunted me for months. Here was an attorney at the pinnacle of professional success—respected by peers, financially secure, recognized as one of the top lawyers in his field—yet struggling with a profound sense that something was missing. The successful lawyer legacy he'd been building for decades felt hollow when examined up close.

Then I discovered Codi Shewan's book "Everyday Legacy," and everything changed. Shewan, a former funeral director who spent years witnessing people's final moments, shared insights that fundamentally transformed how I coach elite attorneys. His message was simple but revolutionary: your legacy isn't what you leave behind after death—it's what you live every single day.

This revelation didn't just change my coaching philosophy; it exposed a dangerous myth that's destroying even the most accomplished attorneys. In this post, I'll share what I learned from a funeral director about true legacy, why the traditional approach to attorney career success is failing brilliant legal minds, and how you can start building a meaningful legacy today—not after retirement.

The Legacy Myth Destroying Elite Legal Careers

Before I share what changed everything for me, let's first examine the destructive myth that's keeping so many successful attorneys from finding true fulfillment.

The Traditional Attorney Success Formula

For decades, the legal profession has operated under a simple formula: work harder, bill more hours, win bigger cases, earn more money, gain more recognition, then someday—when you've "made it"—you'll focus on what really matters. This lawyer success mindset promises that meaning and fulfillment will come after you've achieved enough professionally.

The myth tells us that legacy equals career achievements plus financial success plus professional reputation. We convince ourselves that our legacy will be measured by the landmark cases we win, the firm we build, or the wealth we accumulate. We postpone living meaningfully, believing there will be time later for relationships, family, and purpose.

Why This Formula Fails Brilliant Attorneys

However, here's what Codi Shewan taught me through his work with people at the end of their lives: when people reflect on their lives in their final moments, they don't reminisce about their professional accomplishments. They remember how others made them feel. They think about relationships, moments of connection, and the daily interactions that created genuine impact.

This insight hit me like a thunderbolt because I realized I'd been coaching successful lawyers to optimize their careers while completely missing the deeper question of purpose. I was helping them manage stress and find work-life balance, but I wasn't addressing the fundamental issue: they were building impressive professional legacies while neglecting their living legacies.

The Cost of Delayed Living

The statistics on attorney well-being paint a sobering picture. According to the American Bar Association, attorneys experience depression at rates much higher than other professions, and substance abuse rates are double the national average. These aren't struggling attorneys—many are at the peak of their careers, earning significant incomes, and respected by their peers.

Why are so many successful attorneys struggling with fulfillment? Because they've spent decades building what they thought was a meaningful legacy, only to discover that external achievements don't create internal satisfaction. They've mastered the art of professional performance while neglecting the practice of purposeful living.

What I Discovered About Death and Daily Impact

Understanding this devastating pattern led me to one of the most profound discoveries of my coaching career.

The Funeral Director's Perspective

Codi Shewan's background as a funeral director gave him a unique window into what people actually value at life's end. Day after day, he witnessed families sharing memories about their loved ones, and a pattern emerged: people were remembered for their character, not their job titles, bank balances, or professional achievements. They were remembered for their presence, kindness, and the way they made others feel valued.

This perspective resonated deeply with someone who has seen the cost of pursuing a successful legal career at the expense of everything else. Through my own recovery journey and decades of mentoring attorneys, I've learned that our greatest challenges often become our most valuable insights. Shewan's work helped me articulate what I'd experienced firsthand: true legacy is built through daily actions, not posthumous recognition.

How This Applies to Elite Attorneys

The legal profession creates unique challenges for legacy building. We're trained to focus on winning, billing hours, and climbing partnership ladders. We measure success through external metrics and often sacrifice relationships for professional advancement. The very traits that make us successful—perfectionism, competitiveness, and relentless drive—can become barriers to meaningful living.

Reading "Everyday Legacy" forced me to confront an uncomfortable truth: I'd been helping attorneys become more effective lawyers without assisting them to become more purposeful human beings. The book's central message—that legacy is something you live, not something you leave—completely transformed my approach to coaching elite attorneys.

The Moment Everything Changed

I remember sitting in my Pinehurst office after finishing Shewan's book, feeling like I'd been coaching with one eye closed. All those conversations with successful attorneys who felt empty despite their achievements suddenly made perfect sense. They weren't suffering from work-life imbalance—they were suffering from a fundamental misunderstanding of what creates lasting impact.

The Transformation of My Coaching Philosophy

This revelation didn't just change how I understood success—it completely transformed how I coach attorneys who've already achieved traditional markers of accomplishment.

Before and After the Book

Before discovering Shewan's work, my coaching primarily focused on helping attorneys navigate their careers. I taught stress management techniques, work-life balance strategies, and productivity systems. While these tools provided temporary relief, they didn't address the deeper hunger for meaning that drives so many accomplished attorneys.

After reading "Everyday Legacy," everything shifted. Instead of asking "How can you work less?" I began asking, "How can you work more meaningfully?" Rather than focusing on reducing stress, I started exploring how attorneys could find purpose within pressure. The goal wasn't to escape the demands of legal practice but to transform their relationship with those demands.

Questions That Changed Everything

Shewan's approach introduced powerful questions that I now use with every client. Instead of traditional coaching inquiries about goals and obstacles, I began asking successful lawyers to consider their daily impact. What legacy are you building through today's interactions? How do you want to be remembered by clients, colleagues, and family members? What would change if you approached each day as an opportunity to live your values?

These questions resonated powerfully with elite attorneys because they addressed something missing from traditional success coaching: the recognition that high achievers need more than stress management—they need purpose optimization. They don't want to work less; they want their work to matter more.

Client Transformation Stories

The shift in my coaching approach produced remarkable results. One successful partner discovered that his true legacy wasn't in winning cases but in developing the attorneys on his team. By focusing on mentoring and relationship building, he found renewed passion for his practice while actually improving his firm's performance.

Another realized that her perfectionist tendencies were preventing her from connecting authentically with clients. When she learned to be present rather than perfect, her client relationships deepened, her stress decreased, and her professional reputation grew stronger than ever.

What Your Clients Actually Remember

These transformations revealed something crucial about what clients truly value from their attorneys—something that goes far beyond technical expertise.

Beyond Legal Expertise

Here's a reality check that every successful lawyer needs to hear: your clients will forget your brilliant legal arguments, but they'll never forget how you made them feel during their most vulnerable moments. They won't reminisce about your technical expertise—they'll remember whether you listened with genuine concern, responded to their panic with calm reassurance, or treated them as human beings rather than billable hours.

This doesn't diminish the importance of legal competence. Excellent technical skills are the foundation of effective representation. But Shewan's insights revealed that lasting impact comes from the intersection of professional competence and human connection. The attorneys who build the strongest lawyer-client relationships understand that people need both excellent legal counsel and genuine care.

The Power of Presence

In our hyperconnected world, presence has become the scarcest resource. When you give someone your complete attention—no phone, no email, no distraction—you're offering something increasingly rare and valuable. For attorneys juggling multiple cases and constant deadlines, learning to be fully present in each interaction creates a profound impact.

I've worked with successful attorneys who transformed their practices simply by implementing presence practices. One trial lawyer began starting each client meeting with a two-minute check-in, focusing completely on the person in front of him before discussing legal strategy. This small change dramatically improved client satisfaction and reduced his own stress levels.

Small Acts, Lasting Legacy

Shewan's book emphasizes that legacy is built through small, consistent actions rather than grand gestures. For attorneys, this means recognizing that every phone call, email, and conversation is an opportunity to build or erode your living legacy. The way you handle a client's late-night panic, respond to opposing counsel, or interact with support staff creates ripple effects that extend far beyond individual cases.

Consider your professional reputation you're building through daily interactions. Are you known for treating everyone with respect? Do colleagues feel comfortable bringing you difficult questions? Do clients trust you with their deepest concerns? These qualities, built through consistent daily choices, create the kind of legacy that endures long after cases are closed and verdicts are forgotten.

Internal Authority Creates Authentic Impact

This understanding of true impact leads us to a fundamental shift in how successful attorneys can approach their entire professional identity.

From External Validation to Internal Purpose

One of the most powerful concepts I've developed in my coaching practice is "internal authority"—the confidence that comes from operating according to your own values rather than constantly seeking external approval. This principle, reinforced by Shewan's teachings about authentic living, transforms how successful attorneys approach their careers.

Many accomplished attorneys operate from an "external authority," constantly seeking validation from judges, opposing counsel, clients, and partners. While external feedback has value, basing your sense of worth on others' opinions can create anxiety and undermine authentic performance. When you develop internal authority, your confidence stems from your preparation, competence, and commitment to serving others—factors that are within your control.

Presence Over Performance

The difference between performing excellence and embodying excellence is subtle but transformative. When you perform excellence, you're constantly managing impressions and seeking approval. When you embody excellence, you operate from genuine competence and authentic care for others' welfare.

This shift affects everything from courtroom presence to client interactions. Successful lawyers who embody rather than perform their expertise create deeper trust, reduce their own stress, and often achieve better outcomes because they're fully engaged rather than self-conscious.

Authentic Leadership in Legal Practice

Leadership isn't about titles or positions—it's about influence and impact. Every attorney, regardless of seniority, has opportunities to lead through example. When you operate from internal authority and authentic presence, you create psychological safety that allows others to perform at their best.

I've seen junior associates transform firm culture by consistently demonstrating integrity and kindness. I've watched managing partners revolutionize their leadership by sharing vulnerabilities while maintaining professional competence. Authentic leadership recognizes that strength and humanity aren't mutually exclusive—they're complementary.

Daily Practices That Build Living Legacy

But how do we actually implement these insights in the demanding reality of daily legal practice? The answer lies in simple but powerful daily practices.

Morning Intention Setting

Shewan's emphasis on building a daily legacy inspired me to develop specific practices for busy attorneys. Each morning, instead of immediately diving into email and urgent tasks, take five minutes to set an intention for the day. Ask yourself: "How do I want to show up today? What impact do I want to make? What values will guide my decisions?"

This practice doesn't require dramatic schedule changes or lengthy meditation sessions. It simply creates a moment of conscious choice about how you'll engage with the day ahead. Elite attorneys who consistently practice morning intention setting report feeling more centered, making better decisions, and experiencing greater satisfaction with their daily work.

Presence Practices for High-Pressure Situations

Legal practice involves constant interruptions and competing priorities. Developing the ability to be fully present despite external pressure is both a professional skill and a legacy-building practice. When opposing counsel calls with an urgent matter, when a client needs immediate reassurance, or when a team member seeks guidance, your quality of presence determines the impact of that interaction.

Try implementing the "transition breath" practice: before answering the phone, entering a meeting, or beginning a conversation, take one conscious breath to center yourself and commit to being fully present. This small pause creates space for intentional response rather than reactive behavior.

End-of-Day Legacy Reflection

Each evening, spend five minutes reflecting on the day's impact. What moments of connection did you create? Where did you embody your values? When did you choose presence over performance? This isn't about judgment or perfectionism—it's about conscious recognition of your daily legacy-building efforts.

This practice, inspired by Shewan's teachings about daily awareness, helps successful lawyers recognize that every day offers opportunities for meaningful impact. Over time, these reflections reveal patterns and guide future choices, creating a feedback loop that strengthens your commitment to purposeful living.

Building Relationship Currency

Think of relationships as a form of currency that appreciates through consistent investment. Just as you wouldn't neglect important client matters, your personal and professional relationships require regular attention and care. Schedule time for relationship building with the same priority you give to case preparation.

This might mean monthly coffee meetings with colleagues, regular check-ins with team members, or protected family time that's truly protected from work intrusions. Elite legal professionals who treat relationships as investments rather than distractions create the foundation for lasting impact and personal fulfillment.

The beautiful thing about these practices is that they create a ripple effect that extends far beyond your individual experience.

Impact on Your Team

When you operate from authentic presence and internal authority, the effects extend far beyond your personal experience. Team members feel safer bringing you difficult questions because they sense you're more concerned with finding solutions than protecting your image. Junior attorneys learn by observing your example, creating a multiplier effect that influences how they approach their own careers.The lawyer leadership you demonstrate through daily interactions teaches others that professional success and human decency aren't competing values.

Influence on the Legal Profession

The legal profession desperately needs attorneys who model a better way of practicing. When you demonstrate that peak performance and personal fulfillment can coexist, you challenge the toxic culture that treats suffering as a requirement for success. Your example provides hope for colleagues who may be struggling with the same emptiness that prompted my initial conversation with that managing partner.

Community and Family Legacy

Your professional authenticity inevitably affects your personal relationships. Family members experience the difference between someone who's constantly stressed and someone who finds meaning in their work. Children learn about integrity and purpose by watching how you handle professional challenges. And, the community impact of attorney well-being extends far beyond individual families.

Building Your Living Legacy Starting Today

So how do you begin this transformation? The answer might surprise you with its simplicity.

Redefining Success Metrics

Traditional legal success metrics—billable hours, case outcomes, partnership tracks—provide incomplete measures of a life well-lived. While professional achievement remains important, Shewan's work challenges us to expand our definition of success to include relationship quality, daily impact, and personal fulfillment.

Consider developing personal key performance indicators that reflect your values. How many meaningful conversations did you have this week? What opportunities did you create for others to grow? How consistently did you operate from your authentic values rather than external expectations? These metrics provide guidance for building a living legacy.

The Three-Question Framework

Based on Shewan's teachings and my experience coaching elite attorneys, I've developed a simple framework for daily legacy building. Each evening, ask yourself three questions: What impact did I make today? Where did I choose authenticity over image management? How did I contribute to others' well-being?

These questions don't require perfect answers—they require honest reflection. Over time, they create awareness that guides future choices and fosters the habit of conscious living, transforming both personal satisfaction and professional effectiveness.

Starting Where You Are

You don't need to revolutionize your entire practice to begin building a living legacy. Start with one relationship that matters to you. Choose one daily practice that aligns with your values. Commit to being fully present in one interaction each day.

The power of Shewan's approach lies in its accessibility—every day offers opportunities for meaningful impact, regardless of your current circumstances or professional challenges. Successful lawyers who embrace daily legacy building often discover that small, consistent changes create profound transformation over time.

Your Legacy Brief is Being Written Daily

The most important case you'll ever work on isn't in your current docket—it's the case for living with authentic purpose. Every day, through countless interactions and decisions, you're writing a brief that tells the story of who you are and what you stand for.

Codi Shewan's "Everyday Legacy" taught me that waiting for retirement, the next promotion, or the perfect circumstances to begin living meaningfully is the greatest professional tragedy of all. Your legacy isn't something you'll create someday—it's something you're creating right now, in this moment, through the choices you make about how to show up in the world.

The successful lawyers who find deep fulfillment in their careers understand that true achievement comes not from what you accomplish but from who you become in the process of accomplishing it. They recognize that every client interaction, every team meeting, and every family dinner is an opportunity to embody the values they want to be remembered for.

Your profession needs attorneys who model sustainable excellence. Your family deserves your presence, not just your provision. Your future self will thank you for choosing to build a living legacy starting today. The question isn't whether you'll leave a legacy—you already are. The question is whether it will be the legacy you intend to create.

Are you ready to transform your legal practice into a vehicle for meaningful legacy? Schedule a complimentary consultation to discover how the Free Lawyer Framework can help you build sustainable success while living with authentic purpose.